Speaking of Pussies

KB, has moved back to NY.He promised he would drop by and say goodbye before he left, yet none of us have heard a word from him.
KB started playing poker maybe 6 months ago, and I have never seen anyone improve as quickly as he did.
We are going to miss you KB...and your $$.
Oh, and stop overplaying A, shit and small suited connectors.

Quiz Time

I've said it before, but my free time is precious to me and I try to keep my time full of action and excitement. This can take on many forms, but its usually some combination of sex, poker, golf and/or travel. Since the weather was not co-operating here in the 919 ( I am so street) and that I really needed to do some yard work to have any shot at a lawn that is comprised of at least some actual grass, that meant that the former two were going to be on my mind.
After a hard day in the yard Saturday, and a happy ending from an obliging massage therapist to work out the...err kinks, Sunday was shaping up to be an enjoyable day.
J was going to drop by and maybe bring a gf or two at some point, so after a leisurely lunch of leg of lamb and potato galette with asparagus and hollandaise (yes I did cook and yes ladies, I am straight, and yes I am available...send those pics to surgesilk@aol.com), I hop on Party and start a $30 SNG NLHE. After a dozen hands or so, I triple up when I spike my pair on the flop and I call two players before me, and the flush draw doesn't materialize and top two are no good.
I look up and J is pulling in the driveway (alone), I put Party on 'post and fold' and get reacquainted with J. 7 hours later (again ladies, that's surgesilk@aol.com) ...ok 45 minutes...I go check on the game and it turns out I've finished second.
Quiz
This means:
1) I am so good I don't need to be present to win.
2) The importance of having a big stack (again ladies, check it out)
3) How soft and impatient Party players are.

It doesn't matter what you answered, they are all correct. Your Easter sticker is in the mail. And what is up with the Easter Bunny? When did he become so soft that the Tooth Fairy could take him?

Oh, and a new friend of ours, D, came to join us later... Now that's a rush.

We 5 Kings of Wild Cards Are...

The on again, off again saga of the Charles’ weekly game is evidently off again. Charles suggested that his desire to sell all of his chips, tables etc was motivated more by his desire to get new, custom chips than his swearing off of poker.
Not a bad gambit.
I played last night in the soft, low limit game. I ended up, up 148 BB. Which sounds more impressive than the payout was. (.50/$1)
Do you ever get in the mood to play non-poker games; 2’s and 3’s, suicide kings, and one eyed jacks wild? Baseball? Night baseball? 7/27? Acey Duecy?
Rarely do I get the hankering to let the winds of chance loft me into the oxygen depriving realm of 5 of a kind, but when I do, I go all out.
I am not proud of my depravity. I swear I was once like you, a creature of all that is holy; worshipping at the temple of odds, implied odds, EV, etc. But when I get a taste for the sweet, cloying meat of pure suck-out; I want to gorge myself at the carcass of Luck and satiate my shame.
Last night, Texas Holdem, Omaha 8, stud, just could not feed my gambling monkey and I wanted him and his red ass, off my back. In an orgy of quads, royal flushes and 5 of a kinds, my penultimate enjoyment came when playing “Follow the Bitch” and with just three of a kind against quads on the board, a queen comes up and I am dealt a 5 which spikes my down 5’s giving me 4 Kings. Then when my final down card is dealt to me, its another lady. 5 kings laid the royal screwing on his prags (don’t you watch Oz?), 5 Jacks and busted 2 players (what did the other guy think his 10 high straight flush was good?)
It’s out of my system now, and I am debating whether to fly out to Vegas or AC this afternoon.

13 hours of poker; 0 beers

Saturday was pretty much taken up with poker. 12 hours to be exact; from 2pm to 2am, that's all I did.
The poker tournament went off well, even if I went out second. I was getting cracked and running up against slightly better hands right from the beginning. I was knocked out by a new guy, JG who brought a chick to the game. I have no idea if she was his sister, gf or psychic counselor, the relationship was never explained, nor did she play...she just watched. Which, if I was doing another of my fave things, would have been just fine, but I hate to be watched. It turned out ok because she actually watched another table.
Anyway, yeah I got knocked out when I limped in with A,9o, the board comes A,A,10, I push all in with JG holding A, J. If there was one part of my game I REALLY need to improve (like there is just one part), it's my over play of Aces.
A new guy ended up winning, my brother came in second, and one of the good players from the low stakes game, came in third; his first finish in the money.
Not enough people who got bounced from the tourney wanted to play a cash game, so Charles and I ended up playing heads up, Omaha for 3 hours. It was a lot of fun, even if it was all sound and fury signifying nothing.
Turns out some of the people who did play at the tourney went home and started a cash game and had left me a message to come over. This is around 10pm when I check...so Charles and KG and I head over to Ray-Kwan's townhouse.
What a fucking nightmare! Kids...fat kids...fat, obnoxious kids...fat, obnoxious and crying kids were there making the game a fucking zoo. I should have walked out when I saw the "My Little Pony" on the goddamn table and about 3 decks of cards strewn on the floor.
To top it all off, this one fucking fish could not lose. I mean he CALLS all ins with 10,5 off and ends up with boats...I kid you not. I was afraid to call this freaky, calls-the-devil-to-the-crossraods-makes-a-deal mother f'er.
He pushed me around, hell the whole damn table pretty good...I cracked his ass eventually but it took a straight flush (On the flop no less, I held 8d,9d) to do it.
Today has been a day for the yard...I hate working in the yard. I need a woman to do that shit.

Sick Day

I called in sick today never thinking that it was St. Patrick's Day and it was the start of the NCAA's. But, I am probably the only person who called in that was actually was sick.
I felt like crap with an upset stomach and a headache that felt like miniature Vulcans were inside my head smithing away. ( I know most of you are going to equate Vulcans with Star Trek, but for god's sake, read a fucking book will you?)
I felt bettter after sleeping in and getting some lunch. I am sure I'll get shit at work about calling in. I don't blame them, I'd be highly skeptical myself. Actually my job is very cool and its a great place to work. If I didn't like it there so much (and the $$ wasn't so good), I would have quit already and played poker full time.
I know my bracket must be in the crapper with Alabama losing...not to mention the Pacific win. If you tell me you had both, you are either a liar, or you have the shine.

Poker Table 90% done 

Days of the Week

Ok, so I got the days wrong. Charles' game was last night, which of course is the same night as the low stakes game I play in as well.
Well, no real decision to make; much more $$ in that game, and last night there was over 2k in play. Huge variance with everyone up and down big last night.
I lost my original buy in and winnings (2.5x buyin, btw) and lost it when I was called on 4th street, the guy has a 2 outer to beat me and sure as shit it hit.
Why does God hate me?
I ended up slightly for the night, but the real benefit was to refresh my memory on how they play and to get ready for Saturday's tournament.
The poker table I am building turned out pretty nicely. I still have a few more things to do like, trim off excess material and I am waiting for the silicone adhesive (it dries clear) to dry. I used the silicone to attach the cupholders to the racetrack. It says not to apply it when its raining, or when its below 40 degrees, both of which apply to the weather today,so we'll just have to see. I can always re-do it tomorrow.

The Return of Chuckie

Remember way back when (i.e. last week) I told you that my pal, Charles was out of the poker game? Well it seems he was spotted earlier this week playing at our fave underground poker room....err completely legit social club. Well I had email waiting for me announcing the once regular Thursday game is back on. So wish me luck.
Most of these guys know how to play. I mean really know. Luckily, I usually play with my head so far up my ass they can't get a good read on me. One of the saving graces of this game is the presence of some tasty fish that visit from time to time; people who don't play often, or those that do and have a way too high opinion of their play. We have one guy that if any of us hear about a game he will be playing in, we all head over to get in the action. He personally has paid for a very nice home theater system I have. The BMW needs new brakes so I am hoping he is among those present tonight!

Poker or sex 2: the reckoning

Poker and sex; two of my favorite things. My free time is limited, so I am frequently confronted by a choice of one or the other on any particular night. (I have no regular bed mate, so the revolving cast are not disposed to waiting for my ugly ass to show up after a night of calling down sweaty men...umm that sounds gay.)
Tonight I chose sex. It was a new girl, "C". I met her online...yeah yeah I know, shut up. I try and convince her to just 'hang out' at my place, but she wants to meet out for a drink. I don't blame her for not coming to a stranger's house, but I was awfully damn comfortable, a dram of Blanton's in hand, the fireplace on (love that gas fireplace) and me in an old t-shirt ( it says "Free Tibet with any Purchase"). I meet her out, a mere $6.50 (throw a $10 down) later she is back at my place.
A knockout she is not, cute though. I light some incense, put on some Marvin Gaye and we are good to go. Turns out she wants sex, wants me to go down on her, but oral for me is a no-go."She is particular about what goes in her mouth"...I guess that means she isn't particular about what goes up her..well..you know.
What the f*ck! After hearing that I tell her its a 'school night' and I get up and get dressed. She gets the idea, gets dressed and I walk her out.
Well at least I am getting both tonight, I just won a $20 SNG on Party Poker, and I am in the money on the one I am in now. I am the short stack and playing like monkey ass, so I predict an ignoble exit.

Getting Ready for Saturday's NLHE Tournament: sorry Devilfish 

Small Redemption

Everyone talks about how Party Poker is so soft and that its like the salmon returning up stream. I have to admit, I don't play there that often (Normally at River Stars...err Poker Stars) so my experience is limited.
However after a quick $20 NLHE SNG, I may have to start singing the party line ( pun intended).
Let me describe the sheer absurdity of what just took place.
OK among the first couple hands, I limp in with Qd,10d. Not my normal starting hand quality, but I want to see how it goes. Board comes Ad, 9d, and 3x. Someone leads out, a few callers and I like my chances, I just call.
4th street is a 7x, no danger, now its just two ahead of me, and I call a moderate bet....maybe 400 in the pot at this point. The river is Jd, super for me. One smallish bet ahead of me, one folds, and now its my decision.
I don't have him on the Kd xd, so I am going to just raise a bit, but what the hell, I only have about 500 (out of the 800 started) so I go all in, and he calls with just a pair of 9s. Huh? OK, guy. I"m doubled up, nice way to begin.
That's just to start, I have to set up the rest. So last week I bought an 89 BMW 750il. Its a little rough so I have been working on it. I get in this morning to take it to the golf course (don't ask what I shot),and it won't start. I don't feel like going thru the hassle of jumping it myself (the battery is under the backseat) plus I want to get my $$ worth out of AAA, so I get them to come out, the estimate is 75 minutes. That's fine the SNG will be done by then. Opps, literally 30 seconds later the driver calls to say he is 2 minutes away. OK. I turn on the "post and fold" option and I meet the guy outside. (alternator is ok, battery is ok, no drain...so what the hell is it?)
20 minutes later and the table is down to 4 with all three of them all-in. They can't all lose right, damn...ok. So its heads-up within second of me returning. His 6800 against my 1200, I've been up against worse, but its not looking good and the blinds are 150/300. Well after 8 hands now its reversed, I have 6800 and he has 1200 after a 5 all ins in a row and after I flop a set.
Last hand (hope you are smart enough to know who wins) he goes all in I call with A,Q to his K,J. The board blanks and I win.
So ladies (yeah like any broads reading this are ladies...no offense Crystal, Katy, Vicki, etal) and gents the moral of the story is, go away from your computer, come back when its down to 4 and you should make the $$$. Hmm wonder if this works on the $50 SNG.

So soft it hurts

So the soft game...the one I mentioned? With all you can eat fish? Well I was down to the felt. How you ask? Let me tell you.
I have KK, after some decent betting, flop comes J, 7, 3. I bet, get raised, I go all in and have him well covered. After about 5 minutes of hemming and hawing, this beautiful fish turns over A, 10 off. The turn is a blank and yep...river Ace. OK half my stack gone.
Just a few hands later and the same fish: I limp in in the BB with K,2o. Flop is a beautiful 2,2,3. I make a nice size bet, he calls. Turn..bam a 3. I make another big bet. He calls. I figure he has an A and thinks its good. The river...a 3. The board 2,2,3,3,3. My 2 is worthless. His pocket 9's aren't and I am bust. Ouch. I suck.

Poker tournament

Every few months or so I host a $50 NLHE tourney. We generally have less than 20 players but its a good time.
I've been trying to get this cute little asian girl to bring drinks, make sandwiches, etc. I'll let you know if she says yes. Hell, if you live in Raleigh and you are a cute chick send me your pic and let me know if you'd like to!
March 19th is the next one...my place, 1:30 pm. Cash game during/after.
Make sure you RSVP if you are planning on attending.

Why women suck

Anyone want to tell me? Actually, I'm not having women problems...this second. Although that's bound to change...doesn't it always?
Its the age old question; poker or sex.
Tonight I am choosing poker. I know...I know...I can hear you out there. If you had the weekend I did...you'd be on an IV getting fluids to replenish. But I do want to thank J and M for Friday night!
But poker.
Tonight is a friendly little 2 table game hosted by the same guys I went to Mardi Gras with this year. (maybe if you ask nice I'll post some pics). Its a low stakes game with loose/weak players; all calling stations, except for the last bet. There could be 40BB in the pot and a 1 bet can take it at the end. The weirdest (crappiest) players I know. There are actually a decent player or two, and we know who we are so we usually stay out of the others' way and just herd the fish into a big ball...much like dolphins do.
I'll let you know how it turns out.

Hammer Rounder 

Back online

Its been a while since I've played online. I just got tired of sitting in front of the screen. I lose, I win. I'm definitely up this year. Not a whole lot, maybe a nice dinner for two with a good bottle of wine. Not bad since I can probably count on one hand how many times I have played in the last 8 weeks.
But reading Iggy's blog http://guinnessandpoker.blogspot.com/ has inspired me to get back in the game, and as I am typing this, I am doing quite well over at Poker Stars, up 70 BB in just over an hour.
I have been playing alot (for me) offline. Maybe 2, 3 times a week although I think that will change if Charles has really stopped his game.
He got his hand slapped a few weeks ago and hasn't been the same since. Most people buy in for $100, but I was not playing well, and even when I was, I was getting smacked around, and had to reach back in my pocket 2 more times.
Now this game when it first started 2 years ago was maybe a $40 buy in, and once that was lost people usually went home. As you can see its gotten a bit more serious. Sometimes we have games with $400 in the pot, not too bad for us anyway!
It was getting late and we decided to play it one more time around. Well, I got hot, quads once, a nut flush and a big boat. I ended up walking out with $700. A nice little win.
The next day, an email comes around from Charles saying he was selling his chips, cards, table, etc. Haven't heard from him since.

One man's tale

Welcome to what I hope will be the first of many posts. Here at "Raise the Hammer", I'll just try and relate my ups and downs at the poker games, share interesting tidbits as I come across them and maybe even dispense the occassional witticsm. Although anything clever will probably come out of the mouths of my poker buddies: Joe Bob (the only asian redneck), KB (as skinny as Kate Moss, looks 20 years old, really is 40yo and has moves to break your ankles on the b-ball court), Charles ( "I always get f*cked by misdeals", looks like that bald actor on the Shield) and the rest. I'm sure I'll talk about them as we get to know one another better.